I spent yesterday feeling ridiculously angry at R who will be leaving in two weeks time on the 18th for his Christmas break. Right now I just want to send him an email saying that I'll see him after he comes back in January and skip my two next sessions. Making it harder for myself by making it almost a month without him- I have exams I want to focus on but mainly I don't want to sit and talk, because I know that I'm being ridiculous. This would be our second holiday break but it feels overwhelming. I want to rage at him for leaving me behind and he doesn't deserve that. I don't feel like I can tell him that I'm scared that he won't come back and I'll just have been waiting like a lemon hoping like the blind. It makes me sad that he's a better father then mine. We never once did family holidays, so the concept of going away seems so alien.