Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
I don’t understand why the therapist has even revealed this stuff to a client (daughter shacked up (?), lives out-of-state, preemie, even the number of weeks premature). Or why she starts speculating (again, to a client who might be expected to have some kind of emotional reaction at the news) she might move when it’s a) not certain, and b) 6-12 months away. And then isn’t able to handle said expected reaction.
I don’t think you should have said what you said, but I don’t think she should have created the situation either. I would try to fix it if I had found this woman useful otherwise, but I strongly suspect that part of fixing it for her will be tackling what you said and why you reacted as you did with an attack on her family. If you’re not willing to address that, it might be a non-starter. I’d also be prepared for no apology at all from her.
|
I agree with all of this. Particularly about how she shouldn't have speculated to you that she might move. That's bound to affect your relationship. Sure, if she decides for certain that she is going to move, she should tell you and give you as much notice as she can. But until she's decided, she shouldn't speculate to you.
I do think, as ATAT said, you'll need to talk about your own response to what she said and what's behind that. For example, is this a pattern you've done with other people in your life--they've said something that upset you or could potentially hurt you, and you lash out and attack them? If so (or even if it's just about your T), what's behind that? Is it a defense mechanism--like, you're scared of getting hurt, so you try to hurt them back almost? This isn't me being critical of you, just bringing up stuff that your T might want to explore with you.
I've found personally that many of my conflicts/ruptures in therapy aren't so much about the therapist themselves, but something else, often something from my past. I've also found that working these through with the therapist (or marriage counselor, in some cases) has been very helpful for me--yes, difficult and painful at times, and it was tempting to just run away and not come back a couple times. But ultimately, it gave me a sort of practice in dealing with such conflicts without the same sort of risk as in "real life." Presumably, your T is willing to see you again after you made that comment to her, because she knows it's probably not just about her. If it was, say, a friend or relative, they might react very differently and cut you off.
And I've found that, afterward, my relationship with the T (or MC) actually became stronger because we got through the conflict. Now, it could be this is something you won't be able to work through, but learning that can be valuable as well.