Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
I recently "interviewed" two therapists. I just wanted feedback about how I came across to them. OK, it wasn't "therapy" that I wanted, just some straightforward feedback, and -- the important part -- I could decide if I wanted to do anything about that on my own time.
Would you believe they were clueless? And didn't understand what I was asking for?
So. . .where am I going to get that? In the real world, if I affect people adversely, they will -- attack me, shun me, etc.
So, I remain pretty clueless. Because people in general aren't "straight" with me, and neither are therapists.
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I think that what you were asking for is entirely reasonable, would be very useful and is exactly what you are neeevvver going to get, until you pi$$ off a therapist who then decides to lay it on you in hostile fashion. That's what happened to me.
Ideally, a therapist would be able to offer unconditional positive regard, along with some candid feedback about what the therapist finds objectionable in the client's social/interactive manner. That's my humble opinion. But therapists seem to have a hard time holding both those thoughts in their head at the same time. In my experience, the T was either blowing smoke up my skirt about what a courageous, wonderful individual I was OR laying me out in lavendar over how distateful it was to have to deal with me.
They would tell me to not think in black and white and to grasp that people in my life are a mixture of virtue and vice, but they'ld fail to put that into practice themselves. "Splitting" is when you either over-idealize someone, or demonize a person as being totally defined by their faults. Therapists tell you not to do that, and then
they go and do it to their clients big-time. And, yes, it's all about them using the imbalance of power to keep you from ever challenging them in a way that bruises their ego. Or they are retaliating because you managed to do just that. Therapists can be quite vindictive, in my experience. They feel entitled to the presumption that they only ever operate from the moral high ground. Well, sorry, but I don't presume that about any human being. Nor is that consistently true about any mere mortal.
At any rate, here_today, go offer a therapist some pointed criticism, and they'll hurl some right back at you.
I'm not saying therapists need tolerate being abused by their clients. Part of what therapy should be about is identifying and not tolerating abuse. But therapists can be a thin-skinned lot. They're supposed to be trained to avoid counter-transference, but they can take advantage of the client's not being trained to recognize that. They also can take advantage of there not being a third party witness to what transpires. This makes for real client vulnerability.