I tend to see most of my troubles as being the result of my personal failings. That doesn't really bother me, in that I think to be human is to have a bunch of personal failings.

I might be bipolar. One doctor told me I was. I really don't care. All I know is I get severe mood swings. For me to be told that the reason for that is because I have a mood swinging disorder doesn't really tell me anything. I don't think I will somehow be exhonerated by having a serious mental disorder. I am who I am, and I am how I am. My behavior is pretty much who I am. If, at times, my behavior is bad, or I fail at something, then that's that. I don't see the point of thinking how, if I didn't have this disease come down and strike me, oh, the person I could have been. I don't expect anyone to give me credit for who I could have been, if only I were wired differently. I suppose I could have been a movie star, if only I had a different face and some great talent for drama. I suppose I could have made great contributions to technology, if I were gifted at science and math. I suppose I would have been a great philanthropist, if I had inherited a large fortune.

So, yeah, if people only knew what a staggeringly fabulous person I would have been, if only . . . . . If I let my imagination loose, I could get really astonished at myself. Actually, that might just make me feel worse for being as I am.