@ Cider - I am not in therapy. I don't actually know where/what to start. I used to see a T, but realised she was more fulfilling a role of a "best friend", and therefore our conversations never really reached the therapy stage.
Yes, at the time I did not have a best friend, nor anyone I could really talk to. Maybe she served the purpose at the time.

When I started making more friendships, I didn't need a therapist to be my "Best friend" and so I terminated. I realised this form of therapy was a waste of time and money.

Maybe now that I am in a better space I can look at going to therapy again.

I do take meds; listed below in my signature.

Horses do offer me a form of escapism, as I then have something else to focus on. But it is DAMN hard to get motivated to leave the house to visit/work the horses. And tacking up to ride is equally difficult. But once I've gotten my A into G, it really puts me into a much better space