It was your husband that died? Not your son?

I loved infancy. I believe his mother loved his infancy. We had to be at the top of our game, guessing at all of those idiosyncrasies that weren’t spelled out in the baby books. “Is that a diaper-change cry? Or did he just wake up and will he go back to sleep with no rocking?” “Can you hear him breathing on the monitor? I can’t hear him... it’s your turn to check.” “Breast milk in the fridge? Or formula this time?” “He smiled at me!” “That was a burp.”

Those first two years were so full of surprises and we really did takes turns when he needed us. And after her c-section recovery, we had some dynamite sex. We had dynamite sex until three days before he was born.

I do hope that you’ll find an understanding partner.