@mm - i meant cute in the sense of like having private jokes - oh, i didnt even see where i was going with this until i wrote that!

I meant cute in a positive sense, like "meet-cute", not "sarcastic-cute". But having a private joke with someone IS stretching a boundary. You are saying that you are not okay with her being unprofessional, so for her to acknowledge that the two of you have a special name for this room - yeah, she is now saying, or asking, is this a slippery slope?

She could just as well see it as a micro-aggression from you. You are trying to entice her away from strict boundaries - then she is damned if she holds them and damned if she doesnt.

I think she gets it that you just kinda freaked. Can you let your guard down and be together with her in the forgiving space? Sorry to sound all woo-woo, but thats what its about for me - be wrong together or be right alone. Nobody's perfect.

You havent answered if perfection is what your family demanded. My t is the perfect t because he is imperfect.

Eta - i hope im not sounding argumentative. I hear what you are saying, but i dont think you hear what i am saying. But i want to repeat, i really do think you came out with all the nuances of this so far. I just think there are more to come.