@unaluna: I would have to disagree. I don't think that having a private joke with someone crosses a boundary. That was simply how we communicated with that room. But we can agree to disagree on that.

Anyway, it went well. I'm relieved but also weirded out at the same time. She was smiling quite some bit which was different from last week. That aside, we were able to talk things through. I think she recognized how it was completely irrelevant of her to self-disclose certain things about the incident. She also acknowledge losing her professional composure when she got angry, and that when someone is angry, it is difficult for them to be empathic. That was why she couldn't empathize with me at the moment and said that hurtful and unprofessional thing about whether I had considered that they wanted a premature baby. She also reaffirmed that I can say anything I want in our sessions - although I'm careful about that now given this recent incident.

And I did go on to tell her one of the reasons why I lashed out and couldn't calm down despite having had a few days to think it through before we met. Having been raised neglected by the parents, this incident triggered something in the little one in me. I saw the grandchild as a threat. I would say competition, but I was very passive growing up and didn't fight to get my needs met or for attention. So it was something very young in me that led me to lash out and just couldn't calm down. The therapist understood that for whatever reason - we have yet to discover it - I needed to say what I did when I lashed out. She also said that I didn't need to be forgiven for anything that I said. So it seems like I mah be able to carry om with this therapist.

She also mentioned boundaries which we were not able to get much into. We talked about it last week, but I didn't understand her distinction and she was empathic about how boundaries can be difficult for me to understand. So I guess she is open to taking it slow and patiently with me.

I'm relieved that today's meeting was better. But I'm very weirded out. I expected to be rejected.

I also did ask her about her response about the room and that I felt that there was micro hostility from her. She explained that it was her office now and not only a room where she sees child patients. I maintained that we didn't have to get all technical about it because there was a longstanding mutual understanding about what we called the room. We had enough to work through. She nodded. And I moved on to talking about the other stuff above.