Nobody would know from meeting me or looking at me that my life has been a struggle. I never knew these things were abnormal. I do my best to put on a happy face and am blessed with success in certain areas of life, but when I'm down or depressed nobody understands why I'm upset about the past, and nobody knows that I'm still being challenged in the present. I feel invalidated. Like everything I go through doesn't matter to the world.

I live with a narc parent and am so close to getting out, I was brought up in a household of rage, violence, bloodshed, and police calls/arrests. I later became chronically ill for many years and was made to feel like a nuisance to be watched over and fed, was molested, had to save up for my own surgery after high school, lost my dogs, tried to replace that hole with a puppy, lost the puppy, lost a baby, and now I was lucky enough to meet the most wonderful person in the world: someone who showed me none of this was my fault and just talked crap on the world, stood up for me, made me laugh in the process, made me feel so powerful and complete and hopefuly, and he recently developed cancer and passed in only months. I personally know others who have had much more severe trauma, but I'd still like a simple caring response from time to time.

But the world doesn't care. I'm surrounded by people who don't understand why I would still be upset two weeks after my friends death, people who change the subject or tell me I must have not been taking care of myself when I told them I spent a large part of my life ill. I feel so alone. I would never respond like that to someone in pain. I know I will continue to reach for the stars, but I can't help but feel that I don't want these people around any success and happiness I may find. I don't feel they deserve it. I'm not sure if I should be more forgiving, but it's so hard to keep going without any support.