I was feeling like the walls were closing in last night. Think it's because of Christmas fast approaching. This time of year seems to cause my anxiety to spike & has in the past also triggered depressive episodes. I have no explanation for why this may be the case.

Today I feel kind of on edge or agitated. Not in an irritated with people way. But....???...for example my jeans were creasing & touching my leg in a way that was irritating me & the arms of my t-shirt were doing the same. I had to go & change & I'm OK now. But I can feel my breathing isn't right. I'm too aware of it. I think that's anxiety starting to creep in again.

I know where this is going & I feel powerless to stop it. I know when they all come home there will be noise & they're not doing anything wrong. Just family coming home from work & school. But it's like an assault on my senses & I just want to shut myself in my room & hide & cover my ears. And they all think I'm being moody & then the arguments start and they say nasty words. And I'm not crazy. I'm not doing this on purpose. I just get overwhelmed. But they don't understand. I've tried to explain it. I've tried to explain the best I can what it's like in my head, but you need to be in it to understand. I just need a bit of space & I don't mean to shut them out but isolating myself is the only way I know to stop the feelings drowning me.