Depressed
Low energy
Hopeless
Suicidal
I feel tiny and dark. Everything is an ordeal. I called my mother yesterday and that’s never a good idea.
If all goes well enough I will graduate soon. Apparently I should feel proud of this. But I don’t feel anything. It will have no effect on my mood just like graduating high school and skydiving didn’t make me feel anything.
I have failed to make meaningful friendships and have no one to bid farewell as my t reminded me.
I am undesirable. Mentally undisciplined and lazy and physically not as aesthetically pleasing as I should be. I am depressed.
Frankly the prospect of earning less then men makes me want to kill myself. What is the ****ing point?
Why don’t all the womin kill themselves? What do I have to live for.
I lack the capacity to care so I don’t know why I get surprised at my incompetence. It is truly unfortunate that I am like this but despite it being an illness it also makes me truly useless. I am a waste of space. This is just a fact.
I have been blanking out lately. I also can’t string together a sentence. I can’t write because my brain can’t sustain the thought. Maybe this is a problem. I just want to die. I never cared much about how I am doing.
I don’t care enough about getting better because even if I’m better the world is not. Why should I have to deal with this ******** day after day.