Hi SorryShaped. I'm sorry you had such a sad dream. Remember that dreams are just dreams. Depression skews one's view of reality and makes one hopeless, when there is hope.

It seems to me that your mom is actually very worried about you, even if the way she expresses it is not the way you wished to hear it. She's probably afraid for you, and sometimes fear is expressed in various ways. You say that you've experienced "emotional unavailability" from her. That sucks that that has affected you, but that is really her own problem and reflects some of her own issues she needs to work through. I am sure that she feels very much better with you present than disappeared. Seeing people disappear from my life has been incredibly hard for me.

I hope your therapy and/or meds management appointments go well. I hope you let one or both of them know what you wrote here. I have not been a member for very long here, but as a SuperPoster I'm sure you have helped many people this year through your support, shared experience, and story. I'd be very sad if this was your last post here.