The problem with reality is how much they adjust themselves to the environment. My parents are kind of solitary people, so it affected how we communicate with others. I lived in a high socioeconomic city, in its peak area. It also has an effect.

OK, from here is a dense collection of what I'm going through. It's allot, but it involves confusion regarding success in life and emotions.

Besides success, one thing my ex therapist said when I told him I want success in work, he tells me "But you know, everyone wants success" and some other emotionally-driven lectures. He'd always speak with emotions of either anger or concern.
"You are not here to talk about how to succeed, as you'll have no problem with that. The main focus here is working on emotions".
I think it's a trap. What is "emotions"?
Sound like a very innocent question, or one only a cartoon villain would ask. But really, what is the whole talk about emotional maturity? It's starting to sound like a religious act. Instead of "read the bible and do X Y Z as said by the bible", it's now "do whatever it takes to be an emotionally mature person". I find those two cases quite relative. So really, what is "emotions"? Some people would say "Let your emotions out whenever you need to". Others would say "Don't let them out, but explain them".

All those subjective views on emotions make me think it's all about rituals just like the bible, all over again.

I have no idea how to label myself emotionally. My mother says I am emotionally mature. I remember when I was a kid, my big brother'd tell me that my mother will always compliment me, so it's no use listening to her. That stuck to me and I half-believe it. Again, half-believe.

There was a moment with my ex therapist where he practiced an emotional moment with me. It was kind of a surprise, but I felt out of control. It felt exhilarating. But really, I don't see the point of it.
I personally see everything in life as a "what results from it?"
Work - success. Partner/girlfriend/spouse - kids. Music - being a known musician.

And to think of the possibility that the use of AD's have stunted my emotional growth, I don't see the point of letting that emotional part of me to be active. I mean, there are plenty of people who have grown emotionally and will probably be more successful in life because of that. So if that "emotional growth" concept is all about some sort of competition, then I'd rather just put an end to my life and that's that. Sounds irrational, but those are thoughts I've been having - if I lost the competition, what's the point of living? What's the point of emotions if they've been stunted to a point where hurtful people are "dominant" according to my therapist, and he said I have a problem with "dominance", in his pathetic concerned emotion again. Of course I'd have a problem with "dominance", when "dominant" people earn more than others, take their credit, lie and what not. Dominance is earned, not inherited. And I've been how dominance is earned - lots of anger, just like my ex therapist. He still doesn't apologize by the way.

You may think I am emotionally immature as I can't handle bad emotions. I don't know about labeling my emotional self, but you wouldn't be wrong about handling bad emotions. Anger is bad for my current depressive state. I see no point in tolerating something I already bear enough of right now. I don't see a point in adding more baggage.
If I even sense signs of assertion against me, like when a service provider would assert himself to some of my demands, even if I may have had a fault in the relationship, I will leave. After all, the service provider is there to give me service for MY money, so I don't have to compromise if I wish not to. A most excellent example would be the therapists.

So is emotional maturity the true path to success? If it is then I'll probably fail at success. And by the way, I saw two people at the bus talking about the good times they had as little kids when they put stickers on one kid's entire room as teasing. Yes, they sound like emotionally mature people, as they happily expressed the pleasure they've earned from performing an action on someone else without caring about how he'd feel afterwards. Oh, and easy to assume they really meant to cause him suffering and take pleasure from it. I'm all mockery sarcasm on this. Except the story itself.

Do you see how much the f*** I'm going through?