Maybe... When I was younger, from the earliest point back in kindergarten, I always had one good/close/trusted (whatever you want to call it) friend. I was never abused in my family of origin, but was pretty heavily bullied in my larger social environment - my kid/youngster peers, for about the first ~10 years of my life. That is how I remember it vividly up to date - unfair judgments and abuse. It does not really matter for the sake of this discussion what about, but I will share: it was about my body size and weight. I grew up fast and was heavier/taller than most of my peers by/before age 10, but also developing perhaps too fast as a girl/woman. And also developing fast cognitively, according to my teachers. So I was always feeling attacked for developmental features I had no control of, in response criticizing and excluding by my peers for the same. I always related more to my teachers/mentors/parents more than to other kids. And I got lucky I guess, as my social environment enforced (basically people frequenting our house as I was growing up) by my family of origin, and especially dad, was supportive.

My first good memory goes back to kindergarten... There was a boy, criticized, excluded, bullied by our peers - another person just like myself, someone I could relate to and spend time "scheming revenge" or just sit and talk about whatever interested us, away from the bullies, all day, everyday. I still remember him and our talks and explorations in kindergarten very well, to date. It lasted pretty much my 3 years in kindergarten.

I think I have transferred and cultivated the same "finding a buddy" throughout my whole life thus far. Basically, in all of my reasonably happy periods, I have always had a close friend. Often this would coincide, collide, conflict, etc with romantic relationships. But the thing, for me, is one really good friend, whatever "good" means. It does not even need to be geographical or physical. More like an understanding, similar mind in the everyday, private life. It makes ALL the difference for me, really. Sometimes more than one friend, like 1-2-3 friends. Depends on many factors and period.

You know, here today... when I read some of your posts, I kinda had the feeling that you had found at least one of those people in your past husband... I also had a romantic partner of that caliber - he did not die - but I ended it for other reasons.

Anyhow, if you ask me for a suggestion: try to find and keep one close friend. For me, it makes all the world of difference. I actually need to reiterate this to myself now as currently I am not following my own prescription.