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Id be willing to go in treatment again but Im pretty sure I would never take medication again.

That's good. That's a goal -- to get well without relying on medication. Do you know how or where to start?

If I were you, I think I'd start with a search engine and the local phone book. I'd use the phone book to explore local therapy options and I'd use the search engine to start researching non-medical forms of treatment. As but one example, you suffer with depression and exercise has been demonstrated to be helpful. It's a non-medicated method of treatment so that one could get written down on a list somewhere.

Maybe you could take that on as a short term project: to create a list of non-medication-oriented-resources that might assist you in moving on to the kind of life you'd rather be living. It might even be interesting to post the list -- you never know, other people might find it beneficial as well.