I've been there. I've been worn my T 14yrs. When she first took breaks, the anger I felt was exploding in my head.
I can't give you a magic answer. All I know is.... Over time, her consistency, her regard to me, her integrity, her ability to meet that anger and not be destroyed or threatened by it, bit by bit took the anomity of it away.
The original wound that caused this, the unstable, non consistent parent has been almost healed.