I feel like I have to experiment. I need something. I'm in a dangerous place right now and I feel like I'm out of options. I need to straighten my mind out before I do something stupid. I got some of the herbal stuff, but I also managed to get my hands on some xanax. I've only taken one so far, it seemed to have a normal effect on me really. Just chilled me out and I was at work and everyone kept telling me I was staring off into space and stuff. It didn't do anything to help me deal with this pain inside though...that is growing larger and larger by the moment...ugh. I just want to sleep for days without ever moving or getting up. but my life is too demanding. life itself is too demanding. gahhhhhh.

thank you guys for your concern and for your input. I'm just at a desperate point right now. I'm reaching out for whatever I can get to ease the pain.