Apologies in advance for the length of this post - I'm working through my thoughts here...

I’ve been really interested in the recent posts (in different threads) about transference and whether or not talk therapy is effective. I have been in therapy, on and off, for most of my adult life – most of it ineffective and some of it quite harmful. About 6 months ago, I terminated with my therapist who I had been seeing for 5 years. When I first started seeing him, I was in a very bad place – I had recently moved to a new state, became a single parent, was working a very high stress job, and was dealing with pretty severe PTSD symptoms (including anxiety and major depression with unremitting suicidal ideation).

My therapist was a very kind and empathetic man and I would go into my session with a good deal of anxiety and leave feeling better. This feeling would last any where from a couple of hours to a day or two, and then the anxiety and depression would return. We never really “worked” on my symptoms, but I definitely felt heard and supported. And he was very clear that he was not an expert in working with trauma. Eventually, I was able to pull it together enough to supplement my therapy with things that actually addressed my symptoms: I did a full program of DBT, started a yoga practice, found a trauma specialist who was trained in somatic experiencing, etc.

Through all of this, I had a sense that continuing to see the talk therapist was similar to an addiction. I know there was a lot of transference going on…or maybe not…I didn’t have romantic feelings and it wasn’t paternal. We had similar political and spiritual leanings – and I would generally feel heard and validated – but I was also very much aware that this was a “professional” relationship (and, honestly, if I gave it any thought, I don’t think we would be friends or lovers even if we had met outside the office).

But I spent a lot of time and energy trying to understand why I kept going back, why it seemed like a drug. I tried talking to him about it and he told me he had clients he had been seeing for 15-20 years, just for “support”, which horrified me. Eventually, I realized I needed to just stop going, which I did. I know he was confused, but I knew if I went in for a termination visit, I’d get sucked back in.

During the time I’ve been away from therapy, I’ve been trying to sort out what happened and it occurred to me that, at least in my case, much of the feeling better without actually getting better (at least with this mode of therapy) may have been due to biochemistry. I believe that going in each week, feeling heard and loved, released oxytocin in my brain – which is why the “feeling better” never lasted very long.

I recently heard a TED talk by a researcher who claims that everything is biochemistry – which can turn into a huge rabbit hole if I think about it too much. And I'm sure it's much more complicated than a simple burst of chemicals, but, to me, this makes sense.

I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts on this.