Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Part of the reason my last rupture with my t was so bad was because she let her ego take precedence. She got hurt/angry about something I said in an email message, and responded by ignoring me/shutting me out at a time when a close relative of mine was dying and t had promised to support me in any way I needed. Since then, she has apologized, and we've been working through it. But damage was still done.
T has been remind me that she is not perfect, which may have been part of the problem. In some ways, I had an idealistic view of her, so when she failed me, I viewed it as intentional. I expected that as a trained professional, I could count on her knowing the right thing to do, and reacting the right way.
This last big rupture has shown me that my is not as wise and skilled as I thought she was. That's not to say that she can't help me learn and improve my life. But she isn't that "perfect parent" I had wanted her to be (and, for a long time, had needed to see her as).
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The problem for me wasn't idealization per se. I may have emotionally idealized therapy in general but not the therapists.
The problem was that I
could not understand my therapist's shaming and disapproval when I uttered a curse word at her. That seems like a violation of the "rules" of therapy. The next session she said that she got "triggered" but did not apologize per se. Nor did she seem to have any awareness that her shaming and disapproval had pulled the rug out from under me, and my trust in her, etc. (And the part of me that would have known that wasn't talking. She wasn't "in the room" any more.) The therapist was still focused on herself, somewhat aware perhaps that she had "messed up", and offering excuses. She was apparently unable to see herself as someone who hurts and causes harm sometimes, too.