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NewSmoke15 · 04:21 AM

(If this is in the wrong area, I'm sorry, I'm very new to this forum.)

Warning: This will be a long post.

Let me start by saying that I'm being serious about it being my friend. This is the internet and nobody knows who I really am and therefore I would have no fear in being honest if this was actually about me.

My friend is 21 years old. About 1.5 months ago her mom, who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive died from cancer. She had to live with an abusive mother and then suddenly start caring day and night for her even with continued verbal abuse for months before her passing. She has older siblings in their 30s with good jobs, husbands, and families. They haven't helped her in any way, whether it be emotional support, helping her pay for the memorial and cremation, helping her care for their mother when she was sick, nothing. The only exception is her father who does help her financially. My friend makes only about $100 a week in a fast food job that physically hurts her back.

Possible trigger:

Last night we were texting while she was at work (I know that's bad, but still). She said things like "it's one bad thing after another," "I just feel like giving up sometimes," "I just want it to be over," and mentioned wanting to bring her mom back more than anything else. She mentioned leaving work bc she was having a breakdown so at this point I thought she was on her way home, not at work (though she was still there). She said she was sorry and that she wishes she could have been stronger. Then said we have been best friends she could have asked for. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and she responded "yes I do."

Of course I was very concerned and said "M (leaving out her name for privacy) no." "Do I need to come over?" And asked her where she was. Then I called and got no response (she didn't pick up bc she was working, but I feared it was for another reason). I immediately had a panic attack and starting hyperventilating and sobbing and ran to my mom and tried to explain before showing her the messages. We immediately drove to her work to find her still there. I stayed there for the last 2 hours of her shift while she vented and cleaned her work area. (I work at the same place, so I was of course allowed to be back there even though I wasnt working myself.) She was absolutely shocked that I showed up and said that I snapped her back to reality and that it was very good that I came.

I always tell her that I love her and that I would do anything for her and that if she ever needs any help to talk to me.

I think she was going to kill herself last night. Those messages sure sounded like it. I know that I'm not a professional and that I can't do the job of someone who works with suicide prevention hotlines (I gave her the number of one just in case), but is there anything I can do? I have told her many times that she can always turn to me for help and I emphasized that I'm being serious that she can ask me for anything and yet when it mattered most she didn't. I know she didn't owe me anything and that depression and suicidal thoughts can be overwhelming to the point of not giving a **** about anything except making the pain stop. But I can't sit here and let her maybe do something she can't take back. I want to help her. I know how impossible that can be sometimes though.

She told me she was going to kill herself before but stopped bc she wanted to be there for her friends (she named a few people and said that they all had nobody else and if she left they would be completely alone and she didn't want to do that to them. She didn't mention me, as if I don't ****ing love her more than some of them.)

TL;DR Suicidal friend with a lot of stress and bad things in her life recently almost commuted suicide last night. I know I'm not a professional, but is there anything I can do to help?