Hi,
I've been a suffer of anxiety disorders since i was a kid.
A year ago a psychotherapist told me i have 'Schema' issues.
In particular; 'emotional deprivation' and 'failure'..

After finding out nothing more - i booked in with my local teams phychiatrist and she agreed with me that i quite likely have Avoidant Personality Disorder, she also shared that she thought i may have Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

The ambivalence of not knowing is really upsetting me. Why would you partially diagnose someone? Allude to a possibility but refuse to confirm it either way.
I've since read about the symptoms and they do seem to fit me pretty well.
Problem i'm facing is trying to not make myself fit the diagnosis.... as i have done this in the past: Thought i had bipolar so read about it and started seeing myself as manic e.t.c.

The only bit that at first didn't sit well with me was the hallucinations.
I've always heard music when there isn't any, usually provoked by a running tap or some background noise. I figured this was just my OCD and i'm a musician so i figured it was a combination of the two.

However, since being partially diagnosed - I've come to realise through this that i do hallucinate a fair bit. I've always considered it normal... but i see people and creatures that aren't there from time to time. Often tricks of the eye; It's a cat!!! no it's a bag.
But sometimes there is nothing there to be mistaken for something else, it's like a cross between it being in my minds eye and being literally visible in front of me.
Like seeing some goulish person staring at me through the window... and knowing somewhere inside it's not real but it still is very frightening.

I just hate not knowing.... I don't have the money to see a Psychiatrist privately.. and i won't see the psych that suggested this diagnosis until next year. I'm at a loss. I've once again had my whole equilibrium turned upside down. One minute i'm normal. Then i have 4+ anxiety disorders. Now i have some personality disorders too... but i don't know which.

ugh, i guess.. i'm not really sure what i was trying to achieve with this post.
It sucks being in the dark.