Part of me wants to go through the phone book and call all the therapists to see if they can help me. But I struggle to talk to anyone these days without crying like a baby. I feel so kicked in the teeth by this all. Last night I had to put myself to bed early because I was very angry with it all and wanted to put myself out of harms way. My mind went into overdrive - I was a bit psychotic or something and I was ranting and raving about the whole meeting with my nurse yesterday. Initially I felt good for talking to my CPN about things.....but then I got annoyed in the evening that nothing had changed, then I remembered how the meeting really went. I was waffling on as I do, using humour to mask how I really feel sometimes - and my nurse told me to 'shut up'. I laughed it off at the time, but I'm upset about it now. My father used to tell me to shut up when I was a kid whenever I laughed or acted silly......yesterday brought it all back to me. I think my nurse said it in a lighthearted manner....I think, but now I'm concerned that I've annoyed him. Also I am disappointed because my nurse promised to talk to the therapist I am waiting to see as they work in the same building. He was going to try and find a date for my first assessment with him and where our sessions would be taking place.....but a week later and my nurse still hasn't spoken to him because he said he hasn't 'bumped into him in the corridor'. I asked if he could make a quick appointment with the psychologist to ask about me, but he said he wouldn't do that!!! What a silly idea of mine.....it's much more efficient to hope to bump into them in the corridor isn't it!??!! He said he might email the psychologist with his questions, so I guess I'll just have to wait..........
Just like I waited over 3 months for my Care Plan to be done.

Another experience I had.......I was taken to A&E by ambulance with a large cut to my arm last year. The doctor who saw me examined my arm and even questioned whether it should be photographed as the cut was so large. He then said to me "Well something this big should really be stitched in the operating theatre.....but" then he shrugged his shoulders and proceeded to stitch it himself. I am now left with a scar 4 inches long and nearly an inch thick on my forearm.....I'm sure it would be half the size if it had been treated properly. Also my arm is numb and tingly. My GP thinks I may have Cubital Tunnel Syndrome, but didn't offer me any further treatment. They just don't care. Obviously they think that I'll just cut again so whats the point?

They really know how to make someone feel cared for don't they?

Incidently I asked my nurse yesterday why he chose to be a nurse - he'd told me he used to be a Bar Manager. He said it was because he was dating a student nurse at the time and she got him into it - I found that amusing