Forgot to answer the question, how to do this. I wish I knew. The not-husband is why I am in therapy. With the t, I worked on boundary-setting in therapy some, but the problem wasn’t really setting the boundaries it was what happened when I tried to set them.

Because my circumstances are somewhat different, and the not-husband stabilized, home has gotten more stable. But it’s hard. Every day it’s hard. Trying to find balance between processing trauma and creating a stable home environment is hard. There’s not a lot of space to process and no one at home for support. Therapy mostly helps, because I get to step out of caring for everyone else and unbuckle the armor and spill my guts on the floor for a little while

I cry in the shower where no one will hear, and I try to let myself be as angry as I need to be when I am alone. I write in my journal. I try to do lots of self care: Walks alone, regular massage, eat/sleep/exercise balance, time with friends. That helps me stay more balanced.