oh my gosh, after I talked to my first T after leaving my H the first thing he said was that from my behavior descriptions it sounded exactly like my H has Asperger's. I read the book by Tony Attwood "The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome" & there wasn't one thing in the book that didnt describe my H.

I would ask him avquestion & instead of saying "I don't know I need to look it up", he would tell me something he KNEW IN HIS HEAD to be the truth but was as far from the truth & realith as one can get. They wete ALL LIES that he was 100%sure was the truth because he thought it.

His behavior was totally passive aggressive probably because I have a very strong personality (till depression hit, then I just fought with him). He would hear what I asked because I made him repeat what I told him & what he understood he was told.....& say, no problem then never do what he was asked. When asked why his favorite childish response was ALWAYS "I dont know".

I told him when I was in the hospital that he only did things because he knew it was the right thing to do, but he did things with absolutly NO FEELING.

I swore His behavior was very narcissistic & abusive.

Reading about Aspergers, thst is exactly how partners feel who are married to some people with Aspergers. But the important thing to always remember is that everyone on the spectrum is different. Though the symptoms are similar, each person has a different way of showing them depending on their personality.

Oh yes, H always thought he was right. The problem was that he married a wife who also ended up being a computer design engineer just like him. So I was just as smart, more determined & worked harder to succeed than he did. He always felt like he was owed raises & promotions for not being capable of doing what was required. He would whine to me about it but working in the same industry & for awhile, the same company I KNEW exactly what wasgoing on & called him on it instead of being the wife that just said "poor baby, they are si unfair to you", i woukd tell him EXACTLY why he was being treated the way he was. I had no idea he had Aspergers at the time so I just pointed out his behaviors that were causing the problem. Which obviously he didnt want to hear.

By the end (33years) he finally realized I akways knew what I was tslking about IF I said something....i had researched & KNEW what I was sayibg or I wouldnt say anything.

I ALWAYS expected him to be a team member of the marriage. He thought all he had to do was work & brong home money. I did that equally so I expected & forced him to do things. At times I just totally refused to do anything for him when he pulled his attitude on me.

Our marriage was totally adversarial from the beginning. He never could communicate & was always emotionally immature & totally lacking. Looking back I realize there was never live there from the beginning & I had lost respect for him just before the wedding when I wanted to cancel but was encouraged by my mom that he would grow up & become more responsible. Something he NEVER did & still at the age of 65 has never grown up but he never wanted to either

The thing with marriage is that if there is no respect for the other person, love will NEVER grow only resentment, distrust & anger. Its what I toletated for too long because I couldnt see it when I was in the middle of it. Not till I got out & could safely look back.

Oh yes, after H lost his engineering career he wanted me to give him a big chunk of my inheritance yo go back to UCLA & get a certificate in some sprt of computer field. This was after je complained that he wasnt successful because he hadnt gone to Cal Tec & graduated from there instead of a Calif State University. I told him to research the certificate program & see ehat companies were hiring people with that certificate & what kind of career it actually was. He refused & I refused tp give him the money. He expected everything he wanted to be handed to him & got angry & blamed the people for his failures who wouldnt hand him what he wanted because he did nothing to earn it.

He seriously married the wrong woman because I was more than his equal something he didnt grasp for awhile until he realized & wasnt his mom & wasnt about to treat him like the little irresponsible boy he wanted to by while trying tobrole play being a grownup.

When we are treated with disrespect it is next to impossible to return that treatment with respect. I never could & honestly I never wanted to. I wasvthe kind of personality that said....oh, yku want a fight...."bring it on cause you will lose". Definitely NOT the way a marriage could ever work.

Even with some marriage counseling with the T we were both seeing there was no way of resolving the issues. There never was.