Society has cast me out, as a minority, immigrant, victim of diaspora and colonialism, lbgtq, female presenting person. I have felt pain from each of these areas.

I AM different, isolated, and unwelcome. I have had no role models or people sensitive to me as a human being simply because I am different.

I have been mistreated and shunned by my schools, and some of my employers.

My family is not helping matters. I have never belonged in family life or outside of it. I am alone to fend for myself, no matter what circumstance I am in--for example, how many school counselors there are, or whether or not CPS is called to my house. This does not help matters.

This effects everything to my dating life, employment, housing, and health.

Why would I be anything other than depressed? I can't ignore this any longer. For me to be polite, cheerful, and with a "can-do" attitude is sociopathic. It is a mask that gets harder and harder to wear. I learned early on to throw off any shame that I felt, to be unmoved by ridicule, but that is also sociopathic. Better to feel it because it is real. My threshold for humiliation should not be so high.

I look forward to having more time to research how these factors effect the mental health care I receive. I suspect I will not like the answer.