**Might trigger for some people:

I feel like a broken record here, but I am fighting with this every day since finding out about the person I was dating passed away. The only way I found out was through an obituary, and the family never told me. I do know there was a lot of ex wife drama between him and the daughter, and the ex was really malicious. Also, family did not have my contact info, and I am not on social media. I suspected suicide, now I think it was overdose with some wish to die, but not necessarily intent to do so that night....more just trying to escape the pain he was in. He was horribly depressed and had been for a long time. His alcohol use was getting out of control too. He would use Xanax for anxiety and would self-medicate with it sometimes (I know, really dangerous with alcohol). I just thought he distanced himself from me, because it wasn't the first time, only to find out that he had passed.

Now, I don't even know how to be at peace. I went to the graveyard and talked to him. A stone isn't there yet....just a little marker. I plan to bring something there. Nobody left anything there yet.

I know that everyone's spirituality is different. I am finding ways to "stay connected" with him and cope in a way that puts me at peace. This is the first time I lost someone who I have been emotionally, physically, and spiritually intimate with. I just don't know how to go about my day?

I wrote a sympathy card for the father and am worried about whether I will get any answers from him. I might not. I might never know what happened. I get a deep sense of what happened that night, but it hurts not having the information. I had seen him 2 1/2 weeks before he passed. Can anyone relate to not knowing how someone you loved passed? How do you try to cope and come to terms with it??

Even if it never happened to you in a case like this, any suggestions on how to make the day easier would be greatly appreciated.