*hugs* I can feel very lonely sometimes even though I crave solitude a great deal.

As for living with abusers, T says I'm numbed out most of the time. She's probably right. I recently found out that she offers half an hour sessions on special circumstances outside of her usual clinic hours. I asked her why she didn't offer them to me during the one year I was only getting to see her once a month. She said it'd have taken the whole half hour to open me up, and then we'd have to close me up.

I stay in my room and avoid my family. I read somewhere that when the body is frequently in fight-flight, we learn to numb out and shut down. Like pulling out the battery in a smoke alarm. So I'm really rarely distressed by living with them unless something happens like an argument.