With my blood pressure 170/103 and pulse at 107, sorry this is so long but I need to vent..

“Treatment Impossible” depression is bad enough. Now add memory loss and I don’t mean the 1 or 2 year variety. How about half a lifetime, is that long enough?

The kicker came yesterday at my pdoc visit. I asked how long he had been treating me. After giving me the answer, he looks at me, get a puzzled look on his face....“you really don’t remember any of this do you?” I wonder what gave him the first clue, the blank dumb look on my face. Ya think?

Then there are the catch phrases from family, friends and professionals. "Just move on.” “You get to start over.” “You have a clean slate and can do anything you want to do.”

Let me tell you about starting over. You walk through the door of your house in a town you have lived in for 20 years and…..

**You can’t find the toilet paper, toothpaste or shampoo.

**You have to tape lists to the front of every cabinet and drawer in you house so you can find dinner plates, flatware, canned goods or underwear.

**You don’t know how to use a cell phone or turn on a computer. You don’t know which buttons on the remote turn on the TV and there are 3 remotes next to the TV.

**Sit down at a keyboard and can’t find any of the letters. (I’ve decided to surgically remove the caps lock key. It seems to be the only one I hit consistently.)

**Have no idea how to spell common words (water, elephant, banana). No idea whether, weather to, two, too use where, wear, or ware.

**Someone gives you directions "Go down to Congress, turn left, then turn right at the parking lot next to Pier One" and walks away. You have no idea how to get to Congress and what in H is Pier One.

Having fun yet?

How do you set goals or look forward when you have no idea who you are or what the options are. Yes I know I’m froggy, a frog of little brain but that’s not what I mean.

I have absolutely no idea who I am. What books do I like, what hobbies, music, movies. Do I like to take walks on the beach or hike to the mountain top. I can't remember experiencing either one. How do I know?

“Baby steps” that’s another beauty. With the current life expectancy and my rate of learning I might make make 8th grade equivalency before I die. What a future.