You DO NOT respond. Responding to abuse validates the abuser. They want you to continually justify yourself and explain yourself; they are emotional vampires and need their fix; their fix is you responding. I strongly suggest the book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. If you feel you must respond to something; just say....Oh, I see that's what you think/feel. They will still want to argue.....don't. he says he loves you. That is a lie; love doesn't hurt; love isn't abuse. He isn't going to change so you will have to make a decision whether you want to continue to live with abuse. I left after 31 years of abuse; that book saved my life. This is all about control.