I tell her that I need reassurance or validation. Sometimes I just say I need to know that I'm making sense and she understands. We have been doing this long enough that she doesn't ask much anymore, she usually knows what I need.

As for the silence, I see it as a way for her to get me to talk. It's also the quickest way for me to stay silent. I refuse to fall for those tricks and it become a a battle of wills at that point.