Thanks, SE. It's definitely confusing. H tries to be understanding--I think he was confused when I first revealed the transference, a couple years ago. But MC has done some explaining about it in sessions, so I think that's helped.

I think for me, part of it is feeling really understood by MC, which I didn't get from my parents' (particularly in terms of mental illness, like anxiety, etc.). I feel like he understands me better than anyone ever has. And I can tell he genuinely cares. It's further complicated here by the fact that, since learning the stuff about his wife (her illness, then eventual death about a year ago), it's like part of me also wants to take care of MC--which of course I can't...that's not my role. I think his looking sad when I talked Monday about my uncle's memorial may have sort of retriggered those caring-for-him feelings, too.

And I definitely get what you mean about feeling like a traitor to your significant other. It's especially difficult when I'm sitting there in session, and MC just seems to *get it* and H doesn't. Or in the past, if I've been upset, and MC is trying to (verbally) comfort me, and H is just sitting there. Of course MC isn't like that all the time in real life, and he's talked about that. He said at one point that in real life, he's an a**hole, and I wouldn't want to hang around him. But still, I hear ways he's described taking care of his kids when they had anxiety, and...(Of course, he's also talked about yelling at them). It's just such a complicated mix of emotions.