Hey, well for about 10 years (I think I've had this all my life but it got worse during high school) I suffered with severe depression. No one really noticed, as it came to be known as my personality because I had it for so long, and I've always suffered with extreme, euphoric highs since being a child but people just thought I had hyperactivity or possibly ADHD because of my severe inattention and impulsivity. But then I started reading about bipolar disorder and about the different types, because I'd only ever heard about bipolar I before, so thought that cannot possibly describe me but then I heard about cyclothymia a few years ago and have been monitoring my moods ever since. My moods are basically becoming more erratic, not more uncontrollable as such, but almost as though the highs are getting more powerful. I still have severe lows that aren't reactive, , so I could be happy when someone has died and be sad when my best mate res married, my moods don't always correspond to the situation, the same as my highs, but it definitely seems to be shifting more often, they don't last long though, they don't even meet the criteria for cyclothymia in the duration they should last because I can have real, running around, laughing at everything, doing about 50 things at the speed of light, euphoria that can come and go within 1-2 hours and I will either crash and go into a depression that can last over a month sometimes or back to my baseline mood (slightly withdrawn, socially awkward) and can stay there for months and months until, one random day (I keep saying to myself I'm way overdue for a mood change because I know it'll happen eventually) it'll just shift and everything either goes really well or really badly, I will either see the world in luminescent colours or shades of black and grey, but because I've had it for so many years I deal with the depression by knowing it won't last and it makes me feel a little happier.

And with blunt affect, I mean an inability to express how I feel, through body language, tone of voice, or facial expressions. Not that I behave like a robot, but just compared to most people I appear constantly lacking in any sort of feeling, but inside I can be anything but lacking in feeling. I've been said to have no empathy or no compassion or apathetic and other things, which are from true but only people who have known me for years understand that unfortunately so I can quite often give the wrong first impression.

I keep putting off going to the doctors, by the way. I don't like doctors but one day I will...one day.

Sorry for the essay LOL, I just like to get things out of my mind into words because I have severely disorganised thoughts and when my thoughts constantly move so quickly, things can get a little clogged up. I tend to write an essay for a 2 sentence answer. Haha.