As another poster stated you are someone I would love to be friends with! Your traits include the ability to be vulnerable and open. If you watch the TedTalk from Brene Brown on vulnerability study has shown that is how to feel more free and have genuine connection with others.

I deal with the same thing as you but not as bad as my past. I tend to see things in black and white (good and bad). I like to create doubt. Ex. My friends dont understand me and dont care about me. Say to yourself. Maybe they actually do, but THEY dont know how. That doesnt reflect on you.

When I find someone who "gets it", then those are my closest friends. I cherish those. YOU have a great quality. I challenge you to write down 3 things a day that you like about yourself, even positive things you did that day you liked. Focus on those and when you tend to feel like you are bad, or thing low of yourself, that is simply you lying to yourself. I promise you are worth a lot more than you think.