I think the I-love-others-more-than-myself stuff is bogus! :-)

The modern day martyr who sacrifices themselves for others is a fake. They're looking for someone to appreciate them, to control through their look-what-I-did-for-you! stance.

My stepmother use to wake me up as a teenager (and teenagers need their sleep; I wasn't staying up all night, etc. and getting to bed "late" I was just needing 10-12 hours sleep http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/adolescent.html) but my stepmother once woke me on a Saturday morning when I was trying to recoup from having to get up too early weekdays for school, and dragged me out to the garage to show me the dresser she was refinishing for me (like I'm going to be wide a wake the instant I'm out of bed?) and then complain because I wasn't falling all over the place in graditude. Well, the first thing I noticed was, I didn't want/need/ask to have my dresser refinished? Yes it's nice, but? Or the other time when she stayed up all night to finish making me a dress and was hurt when I didn't reciprocate level of giving?

But my absolute favorite is being trained to say "thank you." All children/people should learn to say "thank you" to learn what gratitude is. I would be the first to get in line to back that statement to the hilt. BUT, I was trained to say "thank you" before I was given the gift? She wouldn't give me whatever, until I had said "thank you" as it was being handed to me. Think about that.

My stepmother aside; so I say "thank you" too soon or too often, sue us; it's a wonderful habit to have and I'm grateful I have much to be thankful for! However, I think most of those who do "too much" for others, and not themselves, are unconsciously misguided and looking for praise, control, anxiety reduction, something other than the main event of helping the other person.

My husband doesn't ever offer to help others. He finds it condescending to offer. If other people need help, he feels it's their personal responsibility to ask for it. Only they can know if they need help! Someone else offering help is, in a sense, saying the person being offered help is "helpless" and not able to take care of themselves and needs the offer. If you ask for help, my husband is right there, all over it. I have been trained (again by the lovely stepmother) to offer my help so now, I know my husband's behind me in giving so I offer his help too It's very subtle but also very "true" and something we don't think about and realize. "Can I help?" is about us, not the person we think needs our help. If you think about it, it could be construed or said in such a way that it's begging to allow us to be part of your business/endeavors/life. I think that's why we have to ask for God's forgiveness and go to Him rather than his coming to us.

Lack of self esteem and self care is a slap in God's face. As the idiot saying goes, "God don't make no junk". The airlines have it right with put the oxygen mask on yourself then help the children; heck, Nature has that right! Children are "expendible" can be killed or eaten because you can always make more. But you can't make a grown lion that's lasted several years and has all that experience. In a marriage, one pledges to one's mate. That shouldn't change when the marriage produces children! Children should not come first in the marriage, one's spouse should! If the marriage has trouble, the children will be in jeopardy. Not attending to communication with one's spouse, making time to talk together and continue the work of the marriage and commitment to one another is what puts the home in danger (in my opinion :-)

Before one gets married, has children, one should know one's self. Knowing one's self can only lead to self esteem. Exploring what is in that grab bag I call my mind is necessary before one can take on adult commitments with any hope of success.

But as I said, I don't think the Paul's, Gallatian, "others as yourself" was that deep. I think it was talking about "surface" care; food, shelter, clothing, and friendly companionship. It was, "Mi Casa es su Casa" in scope.