Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
Trailrunner I understand the feeling of having "something" move in on you like a physical sensation or an emotion or a knowledge and feeling like if you leaned into it you would fall into a black hole. I have experienced exactly that kind of feeling with somatic memories and other parts of me. There are times when I am me but aware of something else (like you've described) and I have a choice to take flight from it (purposeful escape it numb it avoid it etc) or I can turn my attention to it and ... Well. Sometimes that ends up with coconscious sharing and sometimes it ends up with horrible flashbacks.
It can be a real struggle to understand where these snippets of emotion/sensation/knowing come from or what they relate to.
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Thank you.
Your reply really validates the uncertainty, hesitance and fear of leaning into something that you don’t know the outcome of.
Unless you have experienced a jump into a black hole, there really aren’t words to describe how it feel, viscerally, to you. There’s the after effect of it trying to recover from it.
“I” know it is in the past but my emotional self does not understand that. It’s really disturbing to experience those implicit emotions layer over my conscious self.
I guess I am struggling with the inability to control it. It happens whether I choose to lean into or not.
Like the first time it happened, I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t choose to go with it, I just didn’t know what was going on and then I wasn’t “me” anymore. I was a witness.
The second time I was feeling the vibration in my legs and quietly panicked. I didn’t want to take that ride again. It’s too hard.
Is there healing and restoration without it?
I don’t know.