When a person functions in a scary environment (s)he is likely to:
--waver in every decision
--feel that others tower over them, are much more powerful
--hide what (s)he doesn't know
--find things out sneakily
--not ask many questions
--have limited/flat affect
--believe (s)he is lacking/not all that great
--compulsively posture
--lack self-confidence
--seem tough by not revealing weakness/vulnerability
--cajole or immaturely advise so as to make sure no one thinks that the person is arrogant or is being openly challenging/defiant
Quote:
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it seems to pass as normal....my supervisor said i am "obviously competent."
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It seems that in the world generally you are viewed and treated differently, and much more favorably, than you are viewed and treated in the scary environment.
Quote:
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i can't open up to my new therapist.
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A key task of therapy would be to identify beliefs and behaviors that were helpful if not critical for survival in the scary environment, but are not needed in the (benign) world at large. Then you could work on developing beliefs and behaviors that are more fitting for being in the world at large. But therapy is itself extremely difficult because it requires openness and vulnerability and trust--things which are terrifying in the scary environment.