The only way my daughter can have a "relationship" with her Mom is if she is either participating with some devious plan against me, her Dad, or if she stays away from me altogether. During times of the latter, it's "my fault." In essence, our daughter is not allowed to be herself but an extension of her mother.

Now she is 17, has attempted suicide several times, has lived in a residential behavioral unit for most of the past year and AGAIN showing signs of her mother's "puppetteering." I found a text while helping her grandma with her new phone which she borrowed while with us during the previous weeks pass. When i brought it up in a non-confrontational way, she didn't remember it at first, then admitted to it, THEN projected guilt on me, which was absurd, and threatened giving up on me because "having a relationship with you is hopeless," she said. The thing is, this behavior that "makes mom happy," awards her only temporary "thats my girl" attention from mom. I am forced away, then Mom has little use for her, our daughter returns to me, pretends all is well, mom is cold to her, repeat. Its a sick cycle we have been forced to stay in. I'm afraid for our daughters life because of this and I feel as though there's nothing I can do about it.

I think about present versus past, before she was old enough to be impressed upon by her mom, we were close and i was excited for her future. Now she has a track record of showing no regard for me. Whenever she shows "loving" behavior it seems fake because of ut feeling random, yet planned.

I just wanted to vent I suppose, unable to sleep, having found myself in another one of many "lows" I've experienced over the last 6 or so years after thinking we'd made progress.
Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.

I DO welcome any advice although it seems we've done it all. Her psychiatrist and therapist kinda know what's going on but so far haven't been able to do much for her because of the control mom has over her and her tendency to protect the truth. Her mom will never change either.