Quote:
Originally Posted by tecomsin
Bipolar I, II, III, IV with or without psychosis and/or Schizoaffective Disorder are such complicated syndromes or illnesses with many symptoms that vary in time. They are just plain weird among all medical diagnoses because of this variationand each person's illness can be quite different to any one elses, plus each person's subjective experience can be different too, so I'm curious to know how other people rank their symptoms, subjectively from worst to least bothersome. It doesn't matter how frequent they are, all that matters is how you see it.
To start, my ranking is
1. delusions
2. panic attacks
3. anxiety
4. mania
5. depression
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1. Mania
2. Anxiety
3. Hallucinations
4. Delusions
5. Depression
6. Mania
7. Mania
8. Mania
I’ve been riding the mania train for many months. Never really full-blown? A manic continuum? No more than two-three symptoms at one time. I usually like the delusions but hallucinations scare me. Delusional, I create a reality of a warm and acceptable home and friends and family - all of whom are dead. It feels wonderful there, like being in the middle of the very finest Rio carnival. In depression, I doubt myself, I think that I can never be happy. Holidays. My friends have families and spend traditional family-oriented holidays with, well, families. I spend holidays alone. I become horrified. I will never have a family, again. Depression creeps and seeps over and into me and I think of the lost and the dead and all of those that I will never see again.
I believe that death is a finality and have no reason to believe in any sort of afterlife no matter how attractive the mythical promises.
My primary lover, my
girlfriend, is asleep beside me. I feel the heat of her body. I feel good tonight. I feel okay. Fine. Good.