Hi

I am getting concerned about the plans of my partner to invite her adult son (in his twenties, let's call him Arthur) to live with us for some time, like two months, 'to see how life can be lived until he becomes self-dependant').

At present, lives with his grandmother in a little town. His father does not care about him enough, so it is the mother that is taking responsibility.

There are a couple of problems with this plan.

There have been a lot of pathologies in Artur's life, like abandonement by his father, and both smoke pot, by the way. I have been quite proactive in sorting out my childhood nightmares throughout my adult life, but I am sure the presence of my partner's child in our life may trigger a lot of latent problems.

My partner likes drinking beer to relax after work; she hardly does it when I am the only company, but I am fairly sure she will do much more of it when Arthur is around.

The attitude of the two towards money is to spend it. Again, when the two come together, I am worried they will start behaving more irresponsibly, if only to ascertain they are not bound by my uncool attempts to dominate them. My partner and I have already been through this before: when she was spending more than allowed her to contribute to our common expenditures, my attempts to make her realise how this was a drain on my budget she took as trying to control her.

Bad jobs and no perspectives of the two for the future mean several things to me, most notably, that the first thing Artur will do is he will buy a car, which will affect how my partner will want to spend her free time. There are plenty of things to do during weekends when you have a car, but I believe our common budget is volatile for this kind of burden. This approach does affect our lifestyle, which now will be nudged by the presence of the car in the household.

I am afraid my partner's dissolution of her relationship with Arthur's father when the child was a baby may point to some problems that might recur - and change her thinking of me in an instant.

I am not to good with interpersonal relations myself. Bad with diplomacy and with making allies, with more people around, I struggle.

Finally, there are many reasons to believe that whereas my free thinking and professional successes are what my partner looks up to, she is at least equally attracted to a loser type of guy, having no perspectives but making the most of the present moment. My determination to

I guess, you have got an idea of my concerns by now. What my partner proposes is that an adult guy special to her whose life choices are much more to her liking (partying, prodigality) is going to join us in our home in a bizarre kind of relationship. This person will be getting a special kind of protection by her, and possibly by her friends.

At this stage, I tend to think it best to do I can to not allow the kid to visit us for longer than two weeks, whereas my partner says two months and means any time that is needed for her son to become self-dependent.

How does that look? How to speak about this with my partner? I am afraid trying to address some of the challenges has already shown that some of the topics (temporarily) change her beyond recognition making it impossible to come to an agreement and to.

Thank you.