I don't even have plans to make it to old age.

Both the counsellor and Psychologist are aware of the suicidal ideation and I think were hoping that therapy would reverse /eradicate these thoughts. If anything they've just become stronger, especially over the past 2 years.

Ideally I would like to opt for assisted suicide, but not living in a country where it's legal, means travelling to one where it is. It costs an awful lot of money and you still have to be of sound mind and in reasonable physical health in order see make it happen. So in reality I think I'll be left to my own devices. Having already 2 failed attempts, I want to ensure the third time is successful. Achieving that is the difficult part.