Thanks google. (and Nammu)
Quote:
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"Cutting off the nose to spite the face" is an expression to describe a needlessly self-destructive over-reaction to a problem: "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face" is a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage oneself more than the object of one's anger.
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I get the jist of it.
@Literary Lark; I dealt with a lot of anger and hurt over that in the past.
When I was 22, I was invited to a good friend's wedding and I didn't go. At the time I felt like "it was just another couple getting married", and it hurt, cause I wasn't.
Despite all of my fears and insecurities, I still have felt anger at times at the thought of waiting. That I have wasted so much time. I'm 41 now. I'm not getting any younger.
The thought of meeting someone at 50 or older. It hurts, and angers me still. I feel like it's pointless.
I even felt angry toward my 'future wife' for not coming into my life sooner. Like, "where were you when I wanted you so much before and really hurt without you?". Not that it was or would be her fault. Cause it's not.
But I thought, how ironic that that is exactly what would happen. Finally meet 'the one' and two days later die of a heart attack or something.
I wanted to meet someone when I was young and grow old with her. Not like what I heard on the radio once of a man who was so happy cause he finally met the woman of his dreams and was getting married - at 56 - and said he thought it would never happen to him.
I feel the same way. But angry in my hurt. That if I ever met her, that I'd probably just turn her away cause by this point I'm dead to it. It hurt too much before and I couldn't stand it any more.
And feeling like, I kind of deserve that any way. Deserve not to have her. So in that scenario, out of anger and that hurt, I'd just give the keys back.
I'm still dealing with this.