Yes , there's no doubt you have the intelligence and experience to see all that for yourself . But I can understand the emotional response is difficult to control . Funny thing the brain isn't it . We hold so much information in it of all the experiences of our life . It's stored . But not just the experiences , but what our response was and how we dealt with it . Like CD's in a library . So something similar comes along and the brain reaches for the CD it knows this info is stored on and it influences our response . Influences even our physical reactions. It's not easy to re write those CD's so you can replace them with ones where you react differently . I hate to offer advice in an area and about a human I know nothing about , but wonder if you could try something next time you feel that feeling making you panic . Think to yourself , "no this is not the response I choose . My subconscious can put the CD back on the shelf . My conscious mind will take this one , I am going to choose how I feel and how I will respond . I am confident and I am in control and I'm writing a new CD for the rack " Once isn't going to be enough ...you'd have to do it a million times to replace the natural reaction to confrontation or anything stored in your mind . But just thought I would pass on a trick someone told me many years ago , and apologies for offering advice .
p.s. re the smarmy email about her duties . She's digging her own grave with the client , you don't need to do anything . She's making herself look incompetent .