A little background. I have no friends and am content with that. My last relationship, if it could be called that was in 2002.

A while back I posted here about how to go about making friends. What a mistake! Epic fail in my attempt but it didn't bother me. No one would talk to me, which was expected.

Fast forward a little and I am looking to buy a house. I get assigned a very nice realtor who is so competent she is guiding me, totally clueless in the process, through it without even making her twitch or run screaming from me. Even with all my obvious MH stuff and awkwardness and whatever else. I am still very anxious about buying but that is in another forum...

My issue is when I meet her to talk or walk through a house I do okay but when we are done and I come home to a empty apartment and I feel very sad and empty inside. It is not a totally new feeling but it took me a little while to recognize it since it has been at least 10 years since I felt it. Loneliness! It hits very hard, a few times it almost led to self-harm. The feeling sad is unusual as well, my depression doesn't typically cause sadness.

What is that about and how do I squash it? The lack of loneliness is probably the biggest reason why I am not longer a threat to get committed. So it is something I need to get rid of quickly. I don't even understand where it is coming from. I really don't need this mucking things up, I am a total loser and friendless for that reason but that doesn't mean I need to suffer this.