The “can’t even speak” lines caught my eye. For over one year I hid behind adult selective mutism. I really could not speak.

I have seen those who sit in a remote area at weddings and funerals and the like. Those that don’t want to participate with others.

I am not who I was one year ago. Maybe the ‘redesign’ of oneself is just a continuum in all phases of life. There are those who are heavily involved with high school friends and mates. They go off to university and, yes, some become heavily involved with college mates but nothing like the high school sentiment.

Why do you write that you have nothing to say during conversation? I’m betting that you have thousands of opinions and interesting experiences that you could use to easily engage.

(Why did you write of recreational drugs? Which make you wish to harm yourself?)

In order to engage in great conversations you have to expose yourself. Are you afraid of others for a legitimate reason? Why are you and to whom are you saying “I’m okay?”

You may not have a job to make your living but that is a rather rude and ignorant question, yes? “And what do you do?” is still rude but can be answered with much more than “I do nothing.” You do something. You live through an entire day and you are, usually, always doing something, always thinking something. You may sleep for 12-hours, read for 3-hours and eff-around on the internet for 6-hours. You do. You think. Others do the same. They can’t make you laugh and they’ve nothing interesting to say? Nonsense. 1 out of every 18 people are quick and witty and that same 1 has a most interesting life-story to tell. Make a game of it, should it please you, and find that singular interesting and witty person.

When I was attempting to let go of my grief - attempting to engage with others was almost impossible. I felt so lonely and wanted to stay lonely and that’s when I felt as you do now.

Yes, there is something lonely in what you wrote. Disinterested. Disengaged. I don’t know what types of fêtes you attend? Family get-togethers?

Back to redesigning yourself. How do you do it? One small step at a time. Gradually, gradually, engaging.

I never thought that I would feel as happy as I am now. I allowed others in, one small step at a time. It felt good and then great.

I believe that, if you are actively redesigning yourself, you need an idea of what you need and what you want of and from yourself. You have to answer that short questionnaire asking those questions. And what you need and want from others, I guess.

You don’t need to sit out your life.