I'm so sorry for the abuse and maltreatment you have endured. No one deserves that. There are plenty of crappy people in the world, there seems to be no shortage of them, but this does not need to be a permanent thing for you or way of life. There are good people in the world. You just have to believe this, know it to be true, and seek out those who will treat you with kindness, respect, mutual caring and love. They exist, trust me. So while you have endured poor treatment for most your life, this does not need to be set in stone for the remainder of your life.... it's a matter of seeking out those who are truly good people, and surrounding yourself with them, and not with those who don't deserve your attention. (((((((hugs)))))))