Continued by Tony.

(I apologize for splitting this over two posts).

Four years later, in 1999 alcohol "turned" on me. I went through two very hard and difficult years. Through these hard years, I learned how sick my brother was. I learned how to forgive him. I learned how to love him....... Once again.

Now why have I told this very long story? Yep..... I heard it all, everyone says that YOU CANT HELP AN ALCOHOLIC, YOU CANT GIVE THEM MONEY, YADDA, YADDA.........

As for me people, when their dead you can't hug them!

So what could I have done? I have made it a point to learn through this process. I ask myself daily about all this, still. When my brother died, he had bought an 18 pack of beer. The last 6 months I drank, I drank 3 cases of beer a day and a bottle of jack daniels. And yes, that will kill you but the point is..... Why did he die and not me?

I could have done a lot more than I did. Yes..... Maybe he was living under that bridge but I could have gone and picked him up after work every day and carried him to an AA meeting where he could be dry, warm, get some coffee, perhaps donuts or cookies but more importantly, somewhere that he had the chance and the opportunity to hear the words that would have been the inspiration from another alcoholic that he so badly needed to hear. I could have hugged him, I could have told him that I loved him. Then I could have carried him back to that damn bridge and told him that I would be back tomorrow.

I have no idea if that is the answer or not but I know that withdrawing our love (which is what they sense and feel) is WRONG. My brother died thinking that I disapproved of him, that I didn't like him, that I didn't love him.

Today I know that he is the most important person that I have ever had in my life.

Sorry for the long post but I am hoping it was worth it.
Tony