Society has lots of throw-away people. I’m luckier than many, I’m not physically homeless.

To the extent that there are things about me that “make it” that way, I went to “therapy”. Only to be eventually “thrown away” there, too, that is, terminated and referred away by my last therapist.

Perhaps there are some realities about me, and about the world, that I don’t understand or “get”. And – because I’m a throw-away person? – nobody is cluing me in, telling me “like it is”, at least as they see it.

Well, there are several different ways somebody can “tell” another “like it is”. One is a look-down at you, why don’t you know this, I know and you don’t, do as I tell you or else kind of way. A domineering attitude. And another is – well, something different. Nobody, except for a great-aunt a couple of times, has ever approached me in that other way, except sometimes at work when I was just starting out, and somebody could see I didn’t know how to do something very well, and came over and clued me in. Not putting me down but cluing me in.

Therapists don’t do that. At least none I’ve ever seen. That’s apparently not in their job description. It’s not in anybody’s job description. Maybe it’s in the job description that therapists would assign to “parents” which they didn’t do but if a person didn’t get that -- it’s not something that they/we/I are going to get by “parenting ourselves”. At least I certainly don’t see how I can since it hasn’t worked so far.

I personally don’t believe it belongs in the job description of “parents” alone. I believe it’s in the “job description” of extended family, tribe, or community of origin. Only there are not a lot of them in today’s society, for some of us anyway, so. . .

I have looked for a social worker therapist who might “get” what I feel I need and haven’t found one. Nobody in the profession “gets” it, that I don’t “get” it, and probably need input and feedback from others in order to build up the missing knowledge base. Consequently, my life currently is largely a waste for the society and for me.

I know 2 people with long-term depression, who spent years in therapy, who have voluntarily exited life. I don’t intend to do that myself. There are a few sources of strength in my life, thank goodness. So, to the extent that I find the energy from time to time, I will rant here and other places. Does what I'm writing about here strike a chord with anybody else?

I also wonder how the homeless feel, what has not been available to them in their lives. They probably need something more than just a house – I wonder.

ETA: Or maybe -- my mother, aunts, and grandmother DID try to clue me in to the society of domineering women, in the only way they knew how to, by domineering, only -- the "rewards" of that lifestyle are a bad fit with my temperament. In which case -- my old maid aunt, whom others looked down on, still felt more comfortable to me, because she was straightforward and told it like it was -- somewhat "harsh" but not down-putting. "Clued me in", let me know what was going on, stuff I couldn't have guessed if she hadn't told me, like when I wanted to touch a great-uncle's bald head and she pulled me aside and told me it was rude. THEN I could understand that maybe it made him feel "bad" about his baldness, it wasn't something he wanted to talk about. But if my mother, grandmother, or aunts had just glared at me, as they did from time to time, then I wouldn't have known what was up, just that I was "bad" in some way that I was utterly clueless about.