I ended therapy with T2 on Thursday. I was talking about T1 and calling him a narcissist, and T2 said, "Oh, and you think you're not?" Like WTF. He's just now divulging that I'm a narcissist? If he really felt that way, why did he hold back till then? Was he pissed that I was quitting? It stung like a sharp slap on the face.

I eventually told him it was too triggering with the sexual questions and that seeing a woman might help more. I told him his office location and drive there was too triggering (down the block from T1). I know I was being short with him and a *****, but he was so nonchalant about me quitting. I only stayed for half an hour. I feel guilty and especially because I referred to therapy with him as "torture." It's like we both gave up.

I left crying and then drove by T1's OLD original vacant office with all the beautiful trees. And then I cried in the parking lot and smoked a bowl. I'd never smoked in that lot, only in his new place. On the elevator up to T2's, I'd always see T1's old lot and the treetops and I just felt compelled to see it again after 4 years. Brought me back memories of when I first started and how naive I was, when things were still new.

I might go see a woman but in a way I felt like I was leaving therapy goodbye that day. It's been nothing but negative experiences, and I definitely feel like it's my fault, and that I'm a treatment resistant client. T2 even listened to my two hour recording of that "session" between me, T1, and his girlfriend. He did a lot and now I feel like I owe him an apology, but what could I even say?