I'm mentally dismissed right now. My mind is completely stopped. I can not think of anything, I can not feel it. My brain is dead.
You can call me mentally, I will not be sorry for that. Since childhood I am someone who is interested in reading, writing, designing. This obsession can be counted in high school continued. I am currently studying at the university and it is still going on. I call it intellectual obsession. But I am so disconnected from society and from the outside world. My mind is constantly thinking, writing poetry, setting up scenarios, or designing a pencil. I am used to this condition, and I love myself. But these intense thoughts have confined me to mental illnesses that do not result. I am handcuffed in a pessimistic mood. There is no obsession like you know until now, such as a cleaning obsession. But the masturbation obsession has blackened my life. I was masturbating too much in high school and the mental blur after masturbation gradually began to annoy me and turn into obsession. Masturbation has become a threat to the mind. I could not think, I could not put my mind together, I was sluggish. And masturbation is now becoming an untouchable object. I can not come to myself after masturbation, as if all my mental processes have stopped, my creativity, my verbal ability, my logical production has stopped. I feel like a very big sin. And I can not beat it, he is swallowing me. Maybe I can not come to myself for two weeks. I feel like I'm breathing a big melancholy smoke.

And this obsession grows bigger, on the slightest sexual stimulus, this damn obsession immediately wakes up from sleep. Like a nightmare, it turns my whole life into night.

I do not want to extend the writing. I apologize in advance for my English. I hope I could tell myself.

thanks in advance.