Bring them a framed picture of yourself and ask them, "Where on the wall are you going to hang it?"

Give them a Sigmund Freud bobblehead for a gift.

Bring puppets in your purse. The first time your t asks you a question, say "Hold on a second!" Then grab one of the puppets, hand it to her, and say "OK, now you can go ahead."

Just as you enter their office, say, "Wow! Someone just unloaded a bomb in the bathroom down the hall! Then cock your head to the side and slyly ask, "Was it YOU?"

If they ask, "What do you need from me right now?" reply, "A $100 bill would be great, but I'll take $20 bucks for now."

Tell them, "I believe that you are experiencing countertransference based on my transference that was based on your previous countertransference."

As you leave the office, if you therapist says "See you next week," wink and reply, "Not if I see you first!"

If you session is directly after lunch, tell them "Oh, t, you've got something stuck in your teeth." If they pull out a mirror, look, and then say "I don't see anything. I guess it's gone now," say, "No, I still see it. Maybe you should check in the bathroom mirror." When they return from the bathroom, sit down, and begin talking, interrupt with "You didn't get it! It's STILL there!"

Ask if you can remove your socks. Then, when t asks you a question, grab a random toe and answer with, "This little piggie says....."